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THE BALCLUTHA REPORT

deckhand-crewCaptain Olson, Sir,
 
The following is my report on the crews commissioned by the Balclutha on Sunday, 23 October until sunrise 24 October. As always, Sir, I am disappointed with these crews upon first inspection. These scalawags were gleaned from the quaint Ocean Shore School in Pacifica, no doubt soft on discipline, and arrived at San Francisco’s Hyde Street Pier 1300 23 October. These rascally rapscallions were not prepared for the tasks that the honorable crews of the Balclutha have traditionally performed.
 
These lazy loafers made their way up the gangplank as slow as molasses. If it were not for my booming voice and hardhanded approach, this lot of miscreants would not have achieved the success they did. I confess I was flabbergasted with the remarkable fortitude these crews exhibited. Even when the nimble knave second mate, Swift, tried to lead them astray, they stayed faithful to you, Sir, yes sir, Sir, and resisted the temptation to gamble or murmur. That reprobate, Swifty, was right readily removed, and if he remains unrepentant, he will end up in  Davy Jones’ locker.
 
Nonetheless, our jolly mates cheered when Onion Peel, formerly known as Onion, took over second mate duties. Onion Peel and her faithful companion, Stumpy, proved to be the right man for the job in leading these crews to certification. I commend the crews from the 7th Grade Ocean Shore Class for their ability to adapt to changing circumstances, to work hard, to follow instructions and to band together for the good of the Balclutha and her beloved captain, Sir, yes sir, Sir.
 
The following crews shall be commended for their tasks:
 
The Deckhand crew, ably lead by Mate Ashley, not only successfully raised the ensign, but assisted in scrubbing the decks and cleaning after supper. Kudos to Natalie Martinez, Maximo Marcelino and Eloisa Fentanes.
 
The Bosun Crew was most handily lead by Mate Ella with most impressive assistance from Max Aylward, Allen Forte and Caleb Sun. Their swift learning of the ropes was just what we needed from a Bosun crew, Sir, yes sir, Sir.
 
The Rigger Crew, under your kind tutelage, Sir, superbly learned the rigs and was successful in raising the Bosun’s Chair. Mate J.C., as you know, Sir, commandeered the Rigger crew to competency and your instruction was not in vain. Simone Gramling, Sophia Woehl, Mason Deal and Devon Siu-Spaziani are hands down the best rigger crew we’ve seen in years, Sir.
 
Although Swifty proved to be unworthy of the Balclutha, his efforts with the Boat Crew shall not go unnoticed. Ably led by Mate Emily, Swifty ran through all the tasks to fit them for a fine Boat Crew. Eamonn Likens, Thanea Bobis, Nina Mayne and Emil Olsen certainly won their certification for their whole-hearted attitude to their tasks.
 
Finally, under the lovely hand of our Miss Onion Peel, the Stevedore Crew, headed by Mate Eleanor, not only thoroughly cleaned our decks, but prepared sumptuous meals which were enjoyed by all. Commendations to Zoe Kapp, Owen McIntosh and Ethan Titley.
 
No successful crew certification would be reported without the quiet help of our Tall Sailors. Although at times they were a little mischievous, their steadfast patience, call of duty and stoic servitude should be commended. Tall Sailors Joby Deal, Kim Yoshii, Joel McIntosh, Dana Jonas and Gus Gramling are fine mates and are welcome back to the Balclutha anytime.
 
Sir, we owe Teacher Jeanne a great deal of gratitude for providing a competent crew for the Balclutha. As always, Sir, it is an honor to be your first mate.
 
By Historian Fentanes, on behalf of First Mate, Mr. Long
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