Doormats Unite: Bark More


This is an excerpt from a speech given by Donna “Norma Rae” Fentanes at the first annual Doormats Anonymous convention sponsored by your local hardware store. Thanks guys.

Ladies and…Gentleman, thanks Joe for coming. Welcome to our first annual Doormats Anonymous Convention.

It is a privilege to host this event, and I thank my good friend, Pass T. Buck, for promoting me to this honored position. I am always amazed at how many of us doormats are out there. We have come together to share our experiences and to encourage each other to be less doormat-ish.

No doubt you have seen the bumper sticker “Bark less, Wag more.” That is good advice for a lot of people. I have relatives who could stand to take that advice, and the world would be a better place if they and others afflicted with Barking Dog Syndrome would try and wag more.

However, barking less isn’t our problem, is it? On the contrary, we wag too much. I think it’s high time we bark a little more. For instance:

“Mom, bring me the remote.” Don’t wag, bark, “No, honey, get it yourself.” (You got this!)

Or “Sweetie, make me one of those pastrami sandwiches you are so good at making.” (This after he had a huge lunch two hours earlier.) Bark, wag less.

“Hold on awhile, I’m gonna to finish my book.” Yay!

Or when a co-worker asks, “Can you run this report for me, I have to leave early.” Ya, I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have to say what you’re thinking. Just bark and wag, “No, sorry, can’t, I’ve got a lot of work still to do too.”

Doormats, it’s time to stop getting stepped on, time to dust yourself off and say what’s on your mind. But don’t forget to wag.

You don’t have to unleash like Katherine Heigl’s character unleashed on her sister in “27 Dresses.” (And what was Edward Burns’ character thinking anyway…really. Heigl’s character was so cool.)

We need to remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It’s time to bark a little more, and let folks know that you are here and not to be stepped on. So don’t forget, wag less, bark more.

It is my honor to present our guest speaker. She has overcome many thresholds of difficulties in her life. She will teach us how to be assertive without being asinine, to remain fair while being firm and to bark more while being benign.

She will teach you tips to tell that pesky telemarketer you are not interested and end the conversation within 60 seconds. She will give you guidelines to gain the upper hand with your dirty-shoed children, and she will map out methods to maintain your newfound sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

Join me in a hearty doormat welcome for Ms. C. Sepuede Mata de la Puerta.

(Thank you, Kevin, at Pacific Manor Hardware for letting me take the picture.)

First published Jan. 28, 2012 – San Bruno Patch

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